How I Went from Crying in My Car and Panic Attacks at Work to Enjoying My Kids and Business | Whole Health Baby

I would like to tell you my story.

7.5 years ago, I had a new baby and a brand spanking new private practice as a naturopathic doctor.

As so many moms do, I became a martyr.  I sacrificed everything for my baby, and all I could think about was needing to give more and more and more.  I was so singularly focused on his sleep, feeding, and wellbeing that it was all I could think about.  I was so depleted and exhausted.  I walked around like a zombie all day and when I had time to sleep, I couldn’t.   I didn’t take care of myself physically, mentally, or emotionally.  At the time, I thought that I couldn’t – I didn’t have time.  I would vacillate between not eating enough and numbing myself with food.  I would scroll social media constantly comparing myself to all of the moms that seemed to have their shit together, I would stream hours of crap TV, or I would google endlessly about what else I could be doing for my son.  I cried all the time and had panic attacks or anxious thoughts regularly.  I would spend all day in my head thinking how tired I was, and if I was doing enough for my son.  I would beat myself up about not being a good mom because my baby didn’t sleep like other babies seemed to.

I used to take my son to a music class once a week and all of the other moms seemed to have it all together.  On my way home, I would stop at Whole Foods and get a slice of pizza and cookies.  I would take the long way home in hopes that my son would nap, and I could cry while stuffing my face to try and make the feelings and uncertainty of being a new mom go away.

When my husband got home from work, I would snap at him.  I just couldn’t help it – I was so resentful.  How come he couldn’t see how much I was struggling?  How come he couldn’t see what I needed?  His life didn’t seem to change, and mine was turned upside down. 

I tried to put on brave face and pretend that I was managing it, and honestly at the time, I thought that I was “fine”.  I didn’t realize what a dark and scary place I was in until years later.  I would not and could not ask for help.  I could not ask for my needs to be met or meet my own needs.  In my mind, asking for help would make me a bad mom. 

And my private practice that I started?  The business that I was trying to run?  It failed spectacularly.  I was giving and giving to everyone around me, and I did not have anything else to give to my business. I couldn’t think clearly or make decisions. 

Health-wise, I fell apart.  Postpartum has a tendency to bring everything to the surface.  The anxiety that always just simmered below the surface before having a baby turned into full-blown panic attacks. I had panic attacks at work! I lost so much hair, gained weight, and I was constantly nauseous.

I reached my breaking point when I had a panic attack at the park with my son.  I had to call my husband out of a lecture he was giving because I was convinced that I was going to die.  I knew in that moment that my health had to become a priority both for me and my son.

I reached out to colleagues, got support, and started to heal. Healing was not an easy process, but it was so incredibly worth it. Throughout the healing process, I started to look at postpartum health a little bit differently. I started to think about what was possible for postpartum women.

Through my own process of healing postpartum, and the work that I have done with many, many postpartum patients, I developed the ThriveTogether method which I use to support families all over the world. 

My second postpartum experience was night and day different. I took myself through the exact process that I use with clients both in my group and 1:1 programs. I got the support that I needed to make sure that I could implement the changes. I’m still technically in the postpartum period with him (postpartum can last 3 years or longer!), and I have energy! I am calm, regulated, and I no longer have anxiety. I can sleep at night. If my toddler has a tough night sleep (because they will), I still have the energy to get what I want done during the day.

If you are struggling at all postpartum, I see you. You are not alone. You are doing enough.  You are enough.

It is not your fault that you don’t feel good, but it is your responsibility to fix it. You can feel good. You can use postpartum/early motherhood as a reset and time of transformation. You can have energy to accomplish what you want to AND be an incredible mom. Not only is it okay to prioritize your health, but the health and wellness of your baby depends on doing so.

If you are ready for support, the doors to my next ThriveTogether group program are open! You have no idea how good you can feel! Click here for more information.