Do you ever have the question, “Why isn’t my baby falling asleep?!?!” Yeah, me too. And often, there’s an expletive thrown in there…
To really really simplify things, if your baby is not falling asleep, it is one of two things. Either they are not tired enough or they are dysregulated.
If your baby is not tired enough, there are a few things to look at. If this is just happening every once and a while, take a look at their activity level that day. Are they being given the time to move and explore (even as little babies)? If it starts to become a pattern, the timings of naps and bedtime might need to be tweaked. It is likely that sleep pressure is not being allowed to build up.
Sleep pressure is one of the mechanisms that drive sleep (the other is our circadian rhythm). Sleep pressure is related to the amount of adenosine in our brain. The longer that we are awake, the more adenosine builds up, the more tired and ready for sleep that we are. If you are trying to put your baby to sleep before they are ready, it won’t work! So, moving around naps, moving bedtime, capping naps, are all things to think about.
Dysregulation is the other common reason why a baby is not falling asleep. Babies need to be in a calm, regulated state before falling asleep. If they are in that sympathetic, fight or flight state, they are not going to be able to fall asleep! There are a million different reasons why your baby may be dysregulated, and you might not be able to figure out the cause. Luckily, you don’t necessarily need to know the cause to help your baby become calm and regulated.
Common signs of dysregulation in a baby:
- Acting “wired” and hyperactive
- Excessive fussiness
- Excessive crying
- Increased irritability
- Increased yawning
- Gaze avoiding
- Squirming and vigorous movement
- Face rubbing
- Back arching
And more!
In order for a dysregulated baby to fall asleep, they need to first enter a calm, regulated, parasympathetic state. Babies can’t do this themselves! They need to borrow our nervous system in order to calm down because they do not have the brain development to do it themselves. What works will be different for every baby, but I’ve listed some common strategies below. It might take some trial and error to figure out what helps your baby enter that regulated state.
Common strategies for co-regulation:
- Co-bathing
- Massage (light or deep touch)
- Rocking
- Deep bounces on a yoga ball
- Baby wearing
- Skin-to-skin
- Different holds such as the “colic hold”
- Soft music
- Singing
- Speaking in soft, calm voice
- Showing baby your face
And more!
Remember, not every strategy will work for every baby! It will probably take some trial and error to figure out what works for you and your baby. Need support? Check out my sleep guides here and email kate@wholehealthbaby.com for 1:1 support.
So, the next time you’re having trouble getting your baby to sleep, think about if they are under-tired or dysregulated. It will help you come up with a strategy to support them to sleep.